1 in 4 girls
1 in 4 girls is sexually abused during childhood.
I am 1 in 4 girls.
I am, so far, a survivor.
This is my story.
These are my thoughts, prayers, fears, nightmares;
but also my joys, loves, comforts, strengths...
How can I be a friend when I don’t trust anyone to know the truth about me?
How can I be a lover when my version of an orgasm is crying hysterically?
How can I be a wife when I look at any father and daughter relationship doubtfully?
How can I be a mother when my father abused me and my mother neglected me?
How can I be a nursery teacher when every time I see a little girl, I feel so unhappy?
How can I be all these things I want to be?
Let us pretend
that nothing ever happened
that you didn’t put your hand
inside of my pant
that you didn’t betray my trust
that you didn’t give into your sick lust
that you didn’t fuck with my brain
that you didn’t make me feel shame
that you didn’t make me want to hide
that you didn’t make me want to die
I hate your face
I hate your beard
I hate your lips
I hate your voice
I hate the way you talk
I hate the way you shout
I hate the way you argue
I hate the way you attack
I hate it when you slurp your coffee
I hate it when you chew so loudly
I hate it when you try to hug me
I hate it when you comment on how I look
I hate that these things are so trivial
I hate that everything you do affects me so much
I hate that I have to see you everyday
I hate that I hate mum because of what you’ve done
I hate mum because she never saw the abuser in you
I hate mum because she never saw the pain in me
I hate mum because she took you back into our home
I hate mum because she pretends that nothing happened
She’s living a lie
everyday she tries to smile
while inside she dies
keeping up appearances all the while
She’s living with her molester
it was 15 years ago
the night he touched her
after all this time she should let go
She’s living her life
despite the past
she constantly wipes her eyes
gotta hide the hurt fast
She’s living as best as she can
don’t want everyone to know he did bad
they’d publicly shame the man
that she calls “Dad”